The Truth About Fear

Many people have their theories and opinions of me. I’m not unaware of some of the less than desirable qualities I am said to possess, but I also know many of them to be untrue. Truth be told  I am a great many things, good and bad, and those many things are often mistaken one way or another. It is never my intention to hurt others, though I am well acquainted with the potential, unintended impact of things I have said and done. I am not free from the burden of the consequences of my mistakes, and I still make them. Mistakes. Everyone makes them, seemingly few take legitimate accountability. Too many, in wheeler shame and fear, make accusations that make them more comfortable in the aftermath of those mistakes. They give room for resentment and anger that they then cling to as means of protection against their own reflection, against…the truth.
Subjectively I have held opinions that take a great deal of objective perspective taking and humility, and even more still, self-acceptance. I’m sure I still hold some, and until I am presented with hard evidence of the contrary those opinions are all I have as navigational tools. I am not alone in this; no one is. Still, it can be lonely to know oneself so intimately. To stand against lies and misconceptions about one’s character and intention takes resolve, it takes courage. Persevering shows you your own strength, but it also unveils the cowardice around you. Cowardice, though damaging, is not something to gawk at or rebuke. Everyone has their own journey, their own reasoning to justify their position. Admittedly I cannot wrap my head around clinging to the comfort of what is known for what amounts to fear, but I do not condemn it. I simply refuse to accept it for myself.
Fear has two sides. On one side, it’s helpful, useful. It allows us to learn and grow, to adapt and overcome obstacles and to progress. And evolve. It creates a sense of hesitation, room to plan and strategies our approach so that we may accomplish an endeavour. On the other side,  fear has fangs. It’ll sink its teeth into you and its venom will incapacitate you. It may not be right away, but eventually, if you’re not careful, fear will consume every part of you and influence every decision you make. Given an opportunity, fear will shift from a temporary hesitation and morph into an excuse as to why we can’t have the thing(s) that we so desperately want…but are too afraid to permit ourselves. They become frozen and nothing changes…change has become a harbinger of fear. So, we get comfortable with where we are, we settle for less than we deserve, and we make ourselves believe it’s enough to the point reluctance in the face of the inevitable. Risk becomes a dirty word, sometimes to our own detriment. We become afraid to buck against the system. We focus our energy on clinging to the reasons we can’t do something instead of looking for ways we can, and we go nowhere.
Denial. We all experience it, but many readers are experiencing it as we look at our own reflection. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do recognize yourself? Are you someone your teen-self could look up to, to aspire to be? Is your heart happy, your soul fulfilled? My experience suggests most will deny their disappointment with the cookie cutter life they’ve built. In truth, they are deeply unhappy, left longing for something they cannot pinpoint. They tell themselves they’re happy, because they have built the life they were told they want. Tell me, at the end of the day…how many people are genuinely happy in the life they have created? I’ve not met many…
Every unhappy person I’ve met, when asked, told me of dreams released and broken as sacrifice for the life they were told to want. Most do not hate the life they’ve built, but they are missing something they cannot articulate. Afraid that pursuing their missing link will upturn their unremarkable life, they stifle the voice calling from deep within and they leave well enough alone. This is not an inherently wrong choice, the important thing is that someone is healthy—which is far too often not the case.
I have had the honor of being there in the final moments of lives well-lived, and some less so. Nearing the end, people become vulnerable in their reflections. Some find comfort in knowing that the family that surrounds them, their children, have built lives for themselves, yes, but above all, that they are happy. Others have confessed, in lingering coherence, that they wished they had followed their dreams and instilled the same values in their children. Children that are often estranged, resentful. If these experiences have taught me anything it is to not left fear define you. Do not let fear choose for you, lest you live—and die—in regret.



Thanks for reading!