The Social Deep Blog"Life is so much more than the white-washed perspective of some ID-driven ape." |
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In 1977, the Supreme Court of Washington ruled that in a self-defense case, a woman is entitled to have the jury consider her actions from her perception. 1 in 4 American women will likely experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Noel Rivers-Schutte Seton Hall Law Battered woman syndrome. Not included in the DSM, but still a very real pattern of symptoms and behaviours that have been attributed to persistent violence from their male intimate partner(s). In some cases, this can result in a lethal dose of temporary insanity wherein the female victim may retaliate against her abuser. Of course I am paraphrasing my own understanding as it pertains to relevant case exploration. Although I stand by the assertion that there is a clear double standard between the sexes that has been created and fortified by a patriarchal entity, the last quarter of a century has brought some undeniable social progress. Twenty five years ago, society denied that sex workers can be raped altogether – today, women/femmes are still dismissed and derided for the actions of the men in their lives. So, yes, things have improved to a point. Female adults can now own property, and have their own bank accounts and credit cards. However, we’ve also obviously backtracked on reproductive rights and such. This isn’t about women’s rights, though I am certain that the patriarchy has played a role in the skewed perceptions of women who kill their husband(s). Of course not all women who kill their husband(s) are genuine in their claims, as criminals are notoriously dishonest. Betty Lou Beets is just such a controversial case.
I held your daughter as she wept for you today. Not beside your deathbed or next to your grave, she didn’t cling to your picture but she is in mourning. She mourns the words of wisdom her heart aches to hear but she’s never heard you say, the loss of a blissful ignorance and hope. Her heart breaks every time you show her that you were never made to be the mother she so desperately needs, that you don’t have the grit and resolve to become that mother. I held her as she wept and I affirmed all her wildest dreams, except one; I won’t lie to her and allow her to hope that you will ever be half the woman she is already. A child, barely sixteen, and she is more self-aware and emotionally developed than you; her own mother. I have heard you utter the one word you are not capable of grasping the gravity of, and she believed you. She wants to believe you still; a part of her will always want to believe, that you’ve changed, that you understand, that you love her. With time and resilience, she will accept the truth and she will persevere despite you; or to spite you, either way, she will win. The truth is that without you, she really can’t lose. Sure, you’ve done your best, and it wasn’t easy for either; especially not “raising” such a high-spirited daughter, who just won’t submit. But then, that’s the real issue though, isn’t it?
Where to Begin
In my line of work, spirituality is a common topic of conversation. When dealing with trauma, it can be difficult to know where to turn or whom to trust and it can become debilitating learning to identify red flags of manipulation and genuine empathy. When you grow up being told that the people who are hurting you love you and want what’s best for you, those red flags become impossible to see. During the healing journey, an individual steps into their light and begins to see the blinders and identify errors in thinking that have perpetuated unhealthy patterns. This new perspective of their life and of their being, while promising and full of limitless potential, is terrifying. A new sense of vulnerability overwhelms the vulnerability they’ve known, and it’s that newness that is so intimidating. There is a strange comfort that exists in even the most toxic of familiar spaces. The demons you know become safer than the angels you cannot be certain exist. Looking into an uncharted and boundless future has a way of emphasizing how small some may feel, after trauma, yes, of course, but also as a symptom of shyness. The world seems so big when you feel so painfully small – and considering the notions of some omnipotent parental being having watched it all happen without interference sows trust issues on a whole new level. I understand it, though; indeed, I do — most everything I have said here today, you can, too. It’s hard to hear, but don’t miss the point because your pride can’t take a hit — accept your own advice and let yourself open up a bit. I am tired of being assumed irresponsible because I am unstable or vice versa. I cannot even say I know what genuine stability looks like. I did not come from money; I didn’t even come from a place of emotional and mental security. I was born different, told to “act normal” without understanding the meaning of the term, and bullied into a chaotic version of conformity that I am still breaking free of. And I know it’s not only me.
Some of you walk through life and legitimately have no idea what it is like to be born left behind. Not in skill or ambition, not in intellectual capacity, but genuinely left behind because you look like you’re doing just fine. But let me explain something for the neurotypicals born into loving, healthy homes: you do not understand life outside of your bubble, and it shows.You do not know what it is to wake up exhausted by the sheer realization that you opened your eyes still in a body that hates you, a mind that tries to kill you, and a society that tells you to be grateful you don’t have it worse. Question:
Where do men get off thinking they get to decide what it means to be a woman? Where did the audacity originate? Because this isn’t a new phenomenon, it has been happening for twice as long as relevant history; it is considerably longer if you want to get into it. Somehow, they speak for us, decide what is and isn’t acceptable, and design gender role philosophies that nurture their lack of desire to grow. It wasn’t all that long ago that they tainted all that is feminism, so much so that internal misogyny still to this day is deeply embedded in our society. But, seriously, where did it start? What has been the point? Men like to say that it was for protection. Still, when you consider the existence of female Viking warriors [confirmed by genomics], the idea of needing men for anything outside breeding becomes less believable. |
Sheena MonsterShe/They/Theirs 
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