The Social Deep Blog"Life is so much more than the white-washed perspective of some ID-driven ape." |
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I held your daughter as she wept for you today. Not beside your deathbed or next to your grave, she didn’t cling to your picture but she is in mourning. She mourns the words of wisdom her heart aches to hear but she’s never heard you say, the loss of a blissful ignorance and hope. Her heart breaks every time you show her that you were never made to be the mother she so desperately needs, that you don’t have the grit and resolve to become that mother. I held her as she wept and I affirmed all her wildest dreams, except one; I won’t lie to her and allow her to hope that you will ever be half the woman she is already. A child, barely sixteen, and she is more self-aware and emotionally developed than you; her own mother. I have heard you utter the one word you are not capable of grasping the gravity of, and she believed you. She wants to believe you still; a part of her will always want to believe, that you’ve changed, that you understand, that you love her. With time and resilience, she will accept the truth and she will persevere despite you; or to spite you, either way, she will win. The truth is that without you, she really can’t lose. Sure, you’ve done your best, and it wasn’t easy for either; especially not “raising” such a high-spirited daughter, who just won’t submit. But then, that’s the real issue though, isn’t it?
This started as a horror prompt I found online, scrounging for ideas to break up the idea traffic jam that is writer’s block. As the wheels of my mind turned and the pistons fired, I wobbled in the possibility that it could be true.
In fact, it might be... I understand it, though; indeed, I do — most everything I have said here today, you can, too. It’s hard to hear, but don’t miss the point because your pride can’t take a hit — accept your own advice and let yourself open up a bit. I am tired of being assumed irresponsible because I am unstable or vice versa. I cannot even say I know what genuine stability looks like. I did not come from money; I didn’t even come from a place of emotional and mental security. I was born different, told to “act normal” without understanding the meaning of the term, and bullied into a chaotic version of conformity that I am still breaking free of. And I know it’s not only me.
Some of you walk through life and legitimately have no idea what it is like to be born left behind. Not in skill or ambition, not in intellectual capacity, but genuinely left behind because you look like you’re doing just fine. But let me explain something for the neurotypicals born into loving, healthy homes: you do not understand life outside of your bubble, and it shows.You do not know what it is to wake up exhausted by the sheer realization that you opened your eyes still in a body that hates you, a mind that tries to kill you, and a society that tells you to be grateful you don’t have it worse. Question:
Where do men get off thinking they get to decide what it means to be a woman? Where did the audacity originate? Because this isn’t a new phenomenon, it has been happening for twice as long as relevant history; it is considerably longer if you want to get into it. Somehow, they speak for us, decide what is and isn’t acceptable, and design gender role philosophies that nurture their lack of desire to grow. It wasn’t all that long ago that they tainted all that is feminism, so much so that internal misogyny still to this day is deeply embedded in our society. But, seriously, where did it start? What has been the point? Men like to say that it was for protection. Still, when you consider the existence of female Viking warriors [confirmed by genomics], the idea of needing men for anything outside breeding becomes less believable. |
Sheena MonsterShe/They/Theirs 
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